Feeling Overwhelmed? Try This 3-Step Framework

If you've been doing everything but still feel behind, this is for you. Learn the 3-step framework that finally helped me define "good enough" and not feel guilty about it.

I don’t get jealous often, but there’s one group of people I find myself constantly envious of: the frolickers.

You probably know a few of them.

These are the people who have never owned a planner because they love just going with the flow.

They’ll be outside in the park this weekend trying out their third new hobby for the year.

And what I’m most jealous of — they’re the people who truly only see work as a way to make money and don’t stress themselves out trying to climb the corporate ladder.

I’ve always been the opposite of a frolicker.

Remember the movie Boss Baby? That was actually a documentary about my childhood.

Before I even heard the phrase “having it all,” I had already put a ton of pressure on myself to become a great mom, an entrepreneur and a respected community leader.

I even told myself I was going to be a great cook.

And Fun fact: I hate cooking.

By the time I reached my twenties, I had turned into that meme of Mindy Kaling.

I was trying to keep up with a job, grad school, relationships, and somehow figure out how to look like a Kardashian while doing it.

I was in a constant state of overwhelm. My brain had reached its storage limit.

And it’s not just me.

Roughly 60% of millennials and Gen Z have reported experiencing burnout.

The problem, at least for me, was that I had never factored in how much time it would truly take to meet all of those expectations I had put on myself.

The Productivity Rabbit Hole

So I did what any millennial would do in a crisis: I turned to YouTube.

I watched countless productivity videos, learning about delegation, time blocking, even how to use AI to automate tasks.

I built the perfect color coded calendar. IT. WAS. BEAUTIFUL.

But I still didn’t feel any better. It felt like I was doing everything, but nothing well.

So I took some time to really sit down and ask myself: are these expectations even realistic?

Or have I trapped myself into a never ending to-do list?

The Definition of Done

As I was thinking it through, I remembered a term from work called the Definition of Done.

When software teams build a product, there’s always an endless list of features they could include. But if you’re constantly adding and tweaking, you never actually get to ship it to customers.

To avoid that, teams create a Definition of Done: a clear set of criteria that everyone agrees on. When those criteria are met, you release it. Done is done.

So I thought what if I applied that to my life?

What if I sat down and defined what “good enough” actually looks like for each area of my life, and gave myself permission to call it done?

For a Type A person like me, the only thing that was going to quiet the noise was grabbing some paper and pens and actually mapping this out.

I’m going to walk you through the three steps I followed to find my personal Definition of Done and how you can find yours.

If you’d like to follow along with the steps as you read this post, I’ve put together a free downloadable workbook that walks you through each step. Grab it below.

Step 1: List Your Life Domains

The first thing I did was make a list of every role I currently have and the roles I want to have in the future.

These are sometimes referred to as life domains in the planner world.

Right now, I’m a partner, a 9-to-5 employee, a founder, a friend, a family member, and a dog mom.

Then I layered in all the roles I wanted to grow into like mom, community advocate, and a content creator.

Finally, I added in all of the hobbies and activities I wanted to have to keep life fun: being a traveler, a golfer, a tennis player (just to name a few).

Your list will look different from mine. You might be a caretaker, a coach, maybe church leader. But I’d be willing to bet that if you listed out every role you’ve committed to filling, the size of that list would be shocking.

I know the size of mine shocked me.

And there’s one role we all have that I actually forgot to put down at first.

Self.

Most of the roles on my list was about how I show up in the world for other people.

But we also have to factor in the things we need to do to take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Taking care of ourselves should be the top of our list, but it’s often the first one we cut.

Once I saw my full list written out, it became very clear why I felt constantly overwhelmed. This would be a lot for anyone to keep up with.

→ In the workbook, Step 1 walks you through identifying and listing your own life domains with prompts to help you think through roles you may have forgotten.

Step 2: Define the Goal for Each Domain

I stared at that list, racking my brain about what I could possibly get rid of.

The problem is that a lot of it feels non-negotiable.

You’re born into your family, I can’t just stop being a daughter, a sister and an aunt.

I can’t just quit my job, most of us have to work for income.

It felt like there wasn’t much that I could remove from the list.

I considered removing some of the fun hobbies from the list. But as someone who’s experienced burnout twice, I remembered how counterproductive that is.

You actually ramp up how quickly you burn out, by making your days all work and no play.

So I kept the hobbies and stopped trying to remove things from the list.

Instead, I started asking myself a different question: why is each role on this list? What’s the actual end goal?

Take golf. My goal was never to become the next Tiger Woods.

If I’m being honest, the main motivation was driving golf cart and the cute outfits.

I wanted something fun to do outside out of house, that would get me moving and connecting with new people. I didn’t need to actually be great at it.

For motherhood, I had always pictured being this perfect TV mom (Claire Huxtable set a really high bar for me).

But that pressure led me to feeling mom guilt about kids I didn’t even have yet.

I was constantly worrying about the things I wouldn’t be able to do because I’d be a working mom.

My kids probably won’t get the perfectly packaged lunchboxes with dinosaur shaped sandwiches. I probably won’t have time to lead the PTA. But would that make a bad mom?

So I asked myself: what is the actual end goal here?

For me, it’s to raise happy, healthy children and to enjoy the experience of watching them grow up. I don’t need to be perfect. I need to be present and protective.

→ In the workbook, Step 2 prompts you to define the real end goal for each domain — not the perfect version, but your version.

Step 3: Define the Minimum Requirements

I was feeling better, lighter — but this approach still felt theoretical.

I thought back to the original concept. In the Definition of Done framework, knowing the general goal isn’t enough. You have to map out the specific criteria so an engineer will know exactly what they need to do.

That’s the step I had been skipping.

So I went back through my list, over the course of several days, and mapped out the minimum things I needed to do each week to reach the goals I had defined.

For taking care of myself, I didn’t need two hours in the gym or a 10-step beauty routine. I just needed to eat well 80% of the time and hit my step count each day.

For community involvement, I didn’t need to be part of every organization or keep up with every news cycle.

There are two or three causes I care about deeply and its ok to focus on those.

I don’t need to save the world. You don’t need to save the world.

Faith was a great example too.

My end goal is to be a positive representative of my faith, living by its principles, and showing respect for other beliefs.

I don’t need to be able to quote the bible page for page to feel like I’m doing well in this area.

Once I had the minimum requirements written out, I could actually see, for the first time, whether what I was expecting of myself was even possible.

As someone who has always been Type A, it was the data I needed to finally start letting things go without the guilt.

→ In the workbook, Step 3 is where the real work happens. You’ll map out the minimum requirements for each domain and do a reality check on whether your current expectations are actually sustainable.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Enough

I don’t have it all figured out, far from it.

I still have days where I find myself spiraling, reaching for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for relief.

But I can say that I generally feel less overwhelmed.

Am I a froliker? No.

But it’s much easier now to let myself enjoy a quiet Saturday on the couch without feeling guilty about not being productive.

If you’ve had moments recently where you felt unable to rest, like you’re being pulled in too many directions, I want you to try something this week.

Make the list.

Write down all the hats you’re wearing and the expectations you’ve been quietly carrying around.

Then ask yourself: what is your definition of done? What is good enough?

Some things on that list are going to be your legacy work, the things you want your friends and family to remember you for.

But I think you’ll find there’s more on that list that you can let go of than you realize.

And if any guilt creeps in — if that voice tells you that you aren’t doing enough —

Just remember: you aren’t lowering the bar.

You’re just finally defining the finish line.

Ready to find your Definition of Done?

Download the free Reducing Overwhelm workbook and work through all three steps at your own pace. It’s free, fillable, and designed to help you finally give yourself permission to call it done.